Loggin’ Roads
A weekend trip into the mountains includes packing your basic necessities; Tent, flashlight, bug repellant, last year’s unopened bag of peanuts, you know - the necessities! If you’re me, you’ll forget all of those things and just come in a 2013 Laramie Longhorn 1500 with yer muddin’ boots.
A Laramie Longhorn may sound like an odd choice for someone who is planning to thrash through mud, dirt and debris into the most remote parts of a mountain pass – and you’d be right..
Back in 2015, I worked for a Dodge/Chrysler Dealership. I was often recruited to photograph and test drive the newest vehicles on the lot. I had planned to take the then newly released Ram Rebel on a 3 day trip up Camas Creek Road in Washington State. At the time, FCA (Fiat Chrysler Auto) was knee-deep in a mire of drivetrain related recalls which plagued its premier SUV (the Grand Cherokee) while already juggling a plethora of quality-related concerns across their vehicle lineup. Many of which were warranted. (you can trust me, I was a guy on the inside)
Regardless of whether or not these issues could hold a stick or beat you with it - Jeep, Dodge and Chrysler brands had a bit of a perception problem. These are brands which pride themselves on competing for the attention and adoration of blue-collar Americans - and the competition is fierce. This was the era of “Built Ford Tough.” And… quite frankly, the FCA group was lookin’ a bit more rough than they were tough. Considering as well that customer taste for trucks and SUV’s were leaning more and more towards comfort & amenities without the sacrifice of outright capability, their branding issue was one that could not be solved with clever copy alone.
Dodge Ram wanted to make a hilariously over the top, life size hotwheel replica of a teenage boy’s offroad wet dream. Sounds crazy, right? But here’s the thing: they nailed it; and they called it the Ram Rebel.
I have a conspiracy theory of how this came about; hold on to your britches. The average time from concept to road for most automotive projects is 3-4 years. For a project as ridiculous as the Rebel, I speculate it was a healthy 4 year development phase. It just so happens that Ford released the F-150 Raptor in fall 2010. 5 years later in the early spring of 2015, Dodge Ram releases what I suspect is a direct response to the success of the Raptor. Basically, if we were to comb the late night email chains of Dodge head honchos from the Fall of 2010, we would find an email that says: “Let’s make our own Raptor! But let’s put spikes on the wheels! And give it flaming exhausts! OH - and we’ll call it the Ramasaurus and it’ll only come in neon green!”
(Sylas from the future here - I wrote this in the spring of 2015. In 2020 Dodge Ram made a new version of the Ram Rebel - and they called it the TRX. Or, T-Rex for short. In hindsight, Dodge & Jeep have doubled down on this strategy of releasing ridiculous, obscene, and hilarious vehicles into the market. Somehow, they have managed to keep making these… let’s face it, experiments and stay afloat. There’s something I love about their willingness to look at a concept and go “This is crazy, but what if we tried this?!” and then just throw money at it.)
Long story short - I was psyched for the opportunity to drive the Rebel. We sales guys wouldn’t normally take the time to hang around and watch our newest deliveries from the factory come off the trucks at 6am in the lot - but we waited for the first Ram Rebel delivery like it was Christmas morning and we were 7 years old again. Even our staunchly apathetic boss, Mick, was visibly giddy. I was standing with him in the brisk crack of the morning, watching the Rebel I’d be testing roll off the truck with white vinyl protecting her fresh paint like a bride gliding down the aisle. Mick chuckled and leaned over - “Ain’t no way in HELL you are driving that 10 feet off this lot, let alone up a mountain.”
I’d been working at Town Auto Group long enough I knew you didn’t argue with Mick. So, I resigned to the fact that my date with the Rebel was over before we could consummate our relationship.
“This is basically brand new and it’s just as cool.” he said dryly, and tossed me a pair of keys with a “certified pre-owned” tag on the side.
Great. My honeymoon dreams shattered, I glanced vindictively at the keys in my hand which belonged to a used Laramie Longhorn.
Laramie Longhorn didn’t mean anything to me. I knew it was the premier trim level built to compete with the Ford King Ranch, but I had my heart set on an adventure - not a luxury cruise. Starting MSRP is right around the 47k mark, and in 2013 and on it was referred to as a “No-Compromise” pickup truck. The vehicle I drove has every box ticked on the additional options list along with the already impressive (but boring!) compilation of standard features.
Built-in waterproof lockboxes on the bedsides (coined Ram box) & spray-in bedliner: Check
Adjustable air-ride suspension & Auto controlled step bars: Check
Rear-Locking Differential & Towing Package: Check
Dinnerplate size Longhorn emblems: Check
Chrome: Double Check
All that and more totaling upwards of $7,100 in extras, bringing the final retail just past 55k. In 2016, this 2013 model was selling for $43,000 – nearly 20k more than a brand-new base model Ram 1500. But none of that mattered. I was longing for the red striped cloth and vinyl seats, blacked-out badging and meaty tires of the Rebel. What I got instead was what I could only describe at the time as “a grandpa’s truck.”
However, by the time I had been on the road over an hour, ascending Camas Creek Road off Blewitt Pass - I was beginning to be a changed man.
Driving this truck was effortless. The Electric power steering and the impressive Air Suspension made this nearly 3-ton hunk feel weightless.
I was cocooned in finely embroidered leather, noiselessly gliding over the pot-holed road as if I wasn’t touching it. I was approaching an out-of-body experience.
Most of the features that really set this truck apart are within it’s interior. Inviting and roomy – though possessing about the same visual appeal as your weird uncle’s man-cave. The A and B pillars virtually disappear as if there’s total 360 vision. Ergonomically I feel it would be impossible not to be comfortable. Though I knew they were each made of cheap plastics and composites, every knob, dial, and button was comfortably within reach, satisfying to the touch and surprisingly well-engineered. Chairs were larger and wrapped in more leather than most thrones, with ample support and firmness without being ridged – and of course; adjustable to your backside’s every whim.
I spent 2 night’s sleeping inside this truck during the brisk early spring of Washington – all I needed was a blanket and pillow. I never thought I would describe a vehicle as “well insulated” – but there it is.
As far as driver convenience tech is concerned – though the features are hardly a novelty nowadays – they felt opulent to a lower middle-class young sprout like me. The UI & Radio was Voice command enabled, surround sound by Alpine, heated & cooled seats, a Wifi Hotspot, power moonroof, rain-sensing wipers, parking sensors and backup camera, remote start – all standard for this trim level.
But for me, the defining feature of the truck was the air suspension. Even on the tough terrain of the most remote logging roads, this machine was smooth, poised, and nigh impossibly comfortable. It could be adjusted on the dash or key fob with a push of a button to be raised or lowered with a total range of 4 inches. There is practical application aplenty from this feature – though I only used the button on the key fob for raising and lowering the suspension from my lawn chair to inspire the awe of my friend, Daryl.
The 5.7L Hemi V8 was equipped with what Chrysler calls MDS – Multi-Displacement System. It allowed for 4 cylinders to be shut off in order to improve fuel efficiency. Fast forward to 2020, and virtually every modern car with more than 6 cylinders offers this technology – even in 2013 this system was hardly unique, with Mercedes, Honda & GM all having their own versions – but the fact remains that this truck could run a fuel efficiency equal to Chrysler’s V6 equipped models when MDS was active. The modern 5.7L Hemi is a stalwart S.O.B. A relentlessly dependable engine that still possesses that signature V8 character and pedigree of it’s big block predecessors.
When this truck was released in 2013 it was technologically ahead of it’s time in America, it was a driver-centric vehicle (which was rare in trucks at the time), overall a strong milestone for Dodge Ram.
Like the Ford King Ranch, the Laramie Longhorn is one of those mid-decade vehicles that pushed the envelope, laying the framework for a future where a truck can be equal parts conscious, capable, and luxurious.
